Stillbirth
When a baby passes away after 24 weeks of pregnancy, either before or during birth, this is known as a stillbirth. Stillbirth is one of the most devastating things a family can experience, and a range of support is given through a specialist team (including midwives, obstetricians, counsellors and charities) to parents who are affected by it.
This period of time may seem a complete blur, and it may seem like you have no control over the things that are happening to you and around you. You may have received the tragic news of your baby’s death and now been sent home for some time before coming into the hospital to give birth. You can talk to your midwives about what to expect to help you prepare yourself for the coming days, but here are a few things to consider.
Choices
You still have choices about many things to do with your birthing experience – these can be discussed with your midwives. If you have made a birth plan and wish to retain elements of it, your midwives will work with you to help you achieve that wherever possible – from water birth, to pain relief, to skin-to-skin, to partner cutting the umbilical cord. You may be offered a tablet to stop your milk coming in – it is your choice whether to accept it. Many mums do want this, some do not. You should be given the chance to discuss options relating to this including the opportunity to express and donate your milk – different things will be right for different parents, and this is still your journey, and you can do what is right for you.Memory-making
Your midwives will help you have the opportunity to make memories with your baby. What memories you may choose to make are entirely your choice. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to go through this experience. You do not have to do everything – or anything – that you’re offered, or you can choose to do everything. You do not have to do everything at once, and you can change your mind. Your midwives will support you in any way they can. Your hospital should have a “Cuddle Cot” or “cold cot” that can help you be able to spend more time with your baby. You should be offered a memory box by your midwives. Memory boxes are like a starter kit for memory-making, with items inside that can help you capture these moments. If you choose to have one, you may continue to add to it over time or keep items from your pregnancy such as scan photos and your baby’s hospital band.Here are some of the things you may wish to consider:
- A pair of small teddies. Many parents like their baby to keep one, and the other to come home with them in the memory box. You may wish to give your baby one, and then switch them over before you leave so that you keep that one.
- Inkless prints – prints of your baby’s hands and feet are often a treasured memory, and one that can be used by parents to get other memories made in the future, such as necklaces, cufflinks, or other jewellery. If you want these, you may want to take part in doing them yourselves, or you may want your midwives to do them for you.
- Clay imprints – like the inkless prints, clay imprints are another memory that you should have the chance to participate in making if you wish, or you may wish for your midwives to do them for you. These are imprints that many parents like as it means they can trace the shape of their baby’s hands and feet with their finger, or put them in a frame – there may be a kit for this in your memory box.
- 3D casts of hands and feet may also be offered to you. Your midwives can take moulds and then connect with charities or casting companies to enable you to have beautiful casts made from the moulds that you can keep.
- Photographs – it can often seem strange at the time to want to have photos taken of or with your baby that has died, but many parents are so incredibly grateful to have these photos to look back on later. You may also wish to have photos taken with siblings or other family members who you choose to have meet your baby. Make sure you have a phone charger with you when you go into hospital. There are photography charities offering free services that your midwives may be able to get in touch with for you.
- A lock of your baby’s hair – your midwives may be able to help you take a lock of your baby’s hair to keep. Your memory box may have a little box in to store this.
- Reading your baby a story – some memory boxes may have a story book in to read to your baby, but if you have a favourite story that you want to read your baby, bring it with you.
- Clothing – if you have favourite outfits that you have got for your baby, pack them and bring them with you. If your baby is being born premature and is going to be too small for any clothes you may have, speak to your midwives – there are charities that provide specialist clothing for premature babies.
- Bathing your baby – if this is something you would like to do, speak to your midwives and get their help.
- Heart in their Hand keyrings – your memory box may contain one of these keyrings – a keyring with a heart cut out to leave in your baby’s hand so that you will be able to remain connected to them. These hearts can also contribute to beautiful photos with your baby. Ask your midwives for more information.
- You may wish to remember to bring personal effects for yourself/yourselves while you’re in hospital too, such as toothbrushes and toothpaste, sanitary ware, shampoo, changes of clothes, phone chargers, and snacks.
- These are just a few things you may wish to consider, but this is absolutely your journey and the decisions are yours.
Portal: Stillbirth
